Self-Pity

Self pity. Do you join me in suffering from this ailment? If you do, it’s likely others suffer from your ailment too. Self-pity is no fun for anyone to be around, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately, so, won’t you join me for some insight?

My inspiration for writing on self-pity was of course myself b/c woe is me! I’m in a foreign land away from comforts and many times I don’t get my way, and I’m so deprived… waaahhhh! My secondary inspiration was seeing it in others. It is burdensome to carry it, when you realize that’s what you’re carrying, but it may be worse to see in someone else, especially someone you care about. It’s like they didn’t wear deodorant that day and you just don’t want to be around them b/c they smell bad.

My advice to myself when I’ve felt sorry for myself is to 1. find something to do, 2. find somewhere or someone to serve, and most importantly, 3. to just get over myself.

Self-pity wears many masks: low self-esteem, self-consumption, vanity… The chief of them all is PRIDE. If we are to lead selfless lives, striving to look out for the betterment of others, self-pity surely won’t help you get there.

We are called to deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow after Him (Mt. 16:24, Mk 8:34, Lk 9:23). If we're indulging in self-pity, we’re certainly not denying ourselves, but more so dwelling and obsessing in ourselves.

If we are the body of Christ, transformed to glorify our Maker through the giving up of our will to align ourselves with His, we must recognize self-pity as a lack of faith in God that He has the best in store for us in the future. It does not edify anyone when we camp out in our own consumption of self. (I am not speaking of mourning. That is different. I’m more so addressing petty worries and obsessions.) We should seek out the needs of our friends. Galatians 5:13 says to serve one another in love. The type of love He’s commanding us to serve each other with here is agape. It means to serve by cherishing the other; highly esteeming one another. To honor and respect; to be devoted to them (not ourselves). “Love is not self seeking.” (I Cor 13:5)

If we had a ladder of priority, I believe we, ourselves, would be the bottom step. Our friends, families, and everyone else would be the middle step, and God would be the third. It’s not a tall ladder. Just a 3 stepper, so shorter women can reach the top shelf when the men aren’t around. The self-pity ladder puts us at the top, with everything else falling below.

The daily discipline of time alone with God is a hard one to practice when it seems our lives are caught up in a whirlwind of activity. Our schedules smother our solitude and constant communion with God. It is so vitally important to fight for time and continual prayer though, for not only our own benefit, but also for the benefit of those around us! When we are not filled with the fruit of the Spirit as a result our investment of time laid aside with the Lord, we risk being filled with the spirit of our flesh – our sinful nature, which tells us its ok to dwell on ourselves and forget all of the blessings we’ve been given. Our sinful nature will tell us to indulge in negativity; the way things could be and how we hate our circumstances, wishing to have someone else’s.

From Winnie the Pooh, who would you rather be around, Tigger or Eyore? Debbie Downer or Patty Positive? C’mon, it’s undeniable that we are more drawn to people with positive outlooks. Those that minimally complain. Those that see the glass as being half full.

I say all of this not because we don't all already know it but because it is good to be reminded. From seeing self-pity in others, I’m reminded of how unpleasant it is in myself and it makes me want to be on better watch for this behavior. I’m daily trying to remember I’m not here for me (not just Africa, but here on earth in general), but for Him who sent me; so daily, I must remember to deny myself and seek out the betterment of others around me. When I focus on that, I can’t focus so much on myself! And there lies the secret! You can’t dwell on you, when you’re focused so much on others.

God has shown me that there is no reason to pity myself when I’ve been delivered from the pit I was once in. We have been delivered from the sinful nature so we are no longer slaves to it but slaves to Christ (Rom. 6:18). I encourage you to ask God for eyes to see the grace He’s given you and rise above any self-pity you may be feeling. It’s time to get up! Dance, sing, shake a leg! You are no longer a sluggish caterpillar who slowly slithers around on the ground, but you have been transformed into a beautiful butterfly. You are free to roam about, soaring above your old sinful nature into a life of freedom and redemption! There is no room for wallowing here.

I’ll try to remember this blog when I soon find myself in the coldest winter Swaziland has had in 40 years. :) I’m really looking forward to that.